I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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