there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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