you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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