It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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