Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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