It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
