"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
