what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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