sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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