I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I AM VODKA MAN
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
