My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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