I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
