god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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