oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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