Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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