idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I smell like Dick and happiness
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
