Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
