it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
