If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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