from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
