Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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