Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Randomize
