you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
