all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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