NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
