He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
