# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Randomize
