i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
