I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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