We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
