well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
