Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
