Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
