Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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