1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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