Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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