If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
