he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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