The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
