My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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