The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
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