Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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