dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Randomize
