Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
