I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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