New invention idea: vibrating tampons
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
you never un-have a 4some
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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