I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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