i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
