seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
