I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
