I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
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He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
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he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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