That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
