My nipple is on Facebook.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
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