just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
