Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
