For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
