I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
