Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
