everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
