My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
