she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
