I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
