I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
