Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
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