The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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