I wish my penis had an off switch
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
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