Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Randomize
