I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
