yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
