The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
